You Got This!

The Mastery of Saying 'Fuck it!'

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why can’t I do that?”, “They ALWAYS do the cool stuff!”, “How did they get there?? They’re an overnight success”, and “They must have done X to get there”. These feelings are human, yet you’re not alone if they make you go “ew”. Watching others live instead of the life you want to live. How do we have less “ew”? We will talk about the steps we take to get out of our comfort zone to start going from “Why can’t I do that?” to “Damn, I did that!” with the mastery of saying “Fuck it!”

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Hello, hello, beautiful humans. And thank you for that amazing introduction, Erin. I so appreciate it. This is the mastery of saying fuck it, or fuck it, you know, whatever you feel like calling this one. Because what do you know? Fuck it, let's do it. Now, I do want to say something that's really, really important is this talk is based upon my own life. And as a content warning, there will be some vulgarity, well, we already got that with just the title. Ableist language, neurodivergence shaming, body shaming, I have to look at the slide, sexual abuse, depression, there may be some I didn't think of. I get if you have to take a step away from there. There is still a lot of content in here and just take care of yourself first.

So, let's get started. I feel like I don't really need to go through this slide because Erin did an amazing introduction. I am a podcast host of a podcast called Sh!t You Don't Want to Talk About. Which I'm starting to see a trend of having things that have cuss words in them. I think it's this idea of taking back vulgarity and what these words mean and owning them myself instead of others owning them and putting them on me.

Still working through that one a bit. I also livestream Teach Jenn Tech. I believe Rizel talked about that. Which is dope. I have been learning to code. I have been learning about, oh, gosh, so many different things. Web3 is coming up soon. It's been a whirlwind of TypeScript and Python and so much goodness. And then also, I recently started volunteering with a company called Distribute Aid where they do supply chain across the world to be able to help those in need. And in case anybody wanted to know, I am hireable right now. So, if you know anybody that needs an emcee, a speaker, a DevRel, community, you know, right here. That's me. Please hire me. I would like a job.

Especially since we were talking about -- I was catching the tail end of the last talk. And something that hit me really hard is we have this idea, and I have been there too, where we need to be able to go out and be like, hey, I want to do X. But it's really, really scary. So, I'm to the gonna do it. Or I'm gonna do it and maybe we will get there eventually. But what do we do in the meantime? And even though I am looking for these jobs, I do need some type of work at the moment. So, even if it is like tech support or something like that, you know, throw me in. I'll help you out and see you succeed as well.

All right. So, an overview of today's talk. Yeah. Excuse me. Did you say "Fuck it"? Well, let's dive into that and problems with this mindset. Because you know what? It is -- it serves me really well and I'll tell you about my journey before I got to this point. Yet it doesn't always serve everyone. There is caveats. And we need to go over those.

And now, changing or mindset from going from someone that is like naw, bro, I'm good. No thank you. I'll pass. To let's do this. Fuck it. We'll talk about that and some of the results I've had myself. All right. So, here is a giant wall of text. This is from Wiktionary, is that how you say it? Wiktionary? I believe so. And I felt like this graphic really did summarize a big reason many people don't use the term: Fuck it.

It has a lot to do with the sense that it's vulgar, you know? What is vulgarity? This is something that we can really, really tear down and nitpick. We'll save that one from another time. There's also, because like the reason I wanted to show this is it shows fuck it, nobody's gonna see my room. Fuck it, I can't be a arsed to look at that bloody key anymore. Frustration. And fuck it, I'll just do it myself. Yes, it's one phrase. It can mean so many different things. And I think that's the power of using more vulgarity or cuss words. People are like, oh, shit. Maybe I should listen. And if you're wondering, I can go without cussing. My mother will tell you that it is possible. It is difficult. Sometimes I slip up. She and my grandmother who is 90. She and my mother, now off podcast called shit you don't want to talk about it. They get it, but they won't be happy. Fuck it. This is what happens when you talk about the using of the phrase fuck it. You have that mentality. Well, it's vulgar. And I -- I don't know how many talks that you've seen today.

But earlier today there was a talk I believe from Terence about writing blogs. And I loved the idea of -- I was telling Ramon that it was a bit about -- I feel like his talk was like the PC version of saying "Fuck it." Because a lot of it has to go with, you just do it. You just have to go out and do it. And so, if you want something not as vulgar as mine, go watch his. And go watch his, I learned a lot on that as well. But there's also a problem I run into a little bit. Which is a lack of strategy. As Erin said, yes, I found out earlier about this week about having this opportunity which I'm very, very grateful to have. I also may or may not have put this together 2 hours ago. As I'm noodling through this talk and thinking about it. Putting the pieces together, very last minute, fuck it, I'll figure it out. I will be fine.

What that doesn't help is the fact, you know, having strategy for the content I'm apparently making and getting my videos done in time or reminding myself to reply to people. I don't know if anybody else has that issue. But I definitely do.

So, all right. Go. Please go. Go.

So, at one point before the fuck it mindset, everyone lived in my head rent free. What I mean by that is if I was walking down the street and I'm wearing a sparkly jacket like this, I would be like, oh, my god. I literally would just start going like this. Can I hide? Can I just do my talk like this? I don't want anybody to see me. I can't believe that -- they're gonna hate me. They're -- oh, my god, they're gonna hate me. Why are they hating me? Like this would just go on and on. Like things people said from months ago or years ago or I was -- I was very creative because people were telling me things that I never heard before. And they were really mean. Yes. I'm gonna go into it because this did -- does have a bit of background of why a lot of people did like everyone lived rent free in my head. Was a big part of it... I... and this is the reason I started shit you don't want to talk about is I was physically, sexually, emotionally abused all before the age of 18. There was also a lot of other things that have gone on at that time. You can go check out the podcast. It will be linked and that about page goes over a bit more of it.

And a big part of my childhood was solitary confinement. And for those who don't know what that is, which I'm so grateful you don't and I hope you will never, ever experience this. Is solitary confinement is basically being by yourself for long amounts of time without any human connection or connection with anything. By solitary confinement for myself, I use it as from the it as from the ages of 2 to 8, I was locked away in my room with one of those kid port-a-potty things. And I just remember this one time my dad gave me the option of the first thing, too I want my teddy bear? Baby. I have baby to this day, I'm going to keep that bear forever. I could get a pillow or I could get something else other than a sleeping bag. Like more -- I think it was a sleeping pad or something like that.

And every time that people would live in my house -- which is my head, my house -- rent free, I would be like, why -- what am I doing to cause this? What am I doing to -- how do I fix this? And I'm always trying to think seven steps ahead. And it stopped me from doing so much because I was a kid. There's no way I could understand why my dad was doing all of this to me. Or why -- or what my mom was going through and no child should abuse. It's a totally different topic. Yet, it's something that I truly, truly wish nobody does have to go through. Yet these are some ways that I was able to go from these type of mindsets because I struggled so much with needing to fit in. I honestly like never in a million years, like few years ago, would I be wearing a sparkly jacket or have purple hair or wearing bright lipstick. That was way too much attention getting. And as I was told, don't be too colorful. I also just wanted to be loved. That took me down some dark alleyways and judgment. I still seek external validation, and positive reinforcement or words of affirmation are definitely part of me. Luckily my partner and I have figured that out.

The reason I still put all of these in here is I really want you to know that you're not alone. Like it -- these type of things happen to us. It's -- I mean, I've had a pretty good fuck it attitude like the last year or so. But it's not something that doesn't catch me off guard. It does happen where I'm like... oh. Hey. And I see some of the beautiful humans, thank you in the comments. Hi, Nick and Laura and so many dope humans. But even then, it's been where I have like gone and been like I didn't reply to Janica, she probably hates me. Oh, I didn't tell Laura the link for Mondays until like 5 minutes beforehand. She must think I'm horrible. Those ideas have happened. And I have to go, oh, wait, Jenn. You're human. You want to have this grace for other people. You got to have this grace for yourself.

So, this has been something that I've really, really struggled on. And I feel like everybody has heard of this. But if not, this is something that really, really helped me learn words to put to this feeling I had. And it was from going from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. This is a big part of it. Is saying a fixed mindset is like going like, I can't do it. My situation's never gonna change. They just have it so easy. What do you mean I can't have that? I deserve that. You feel like it's kind of like Karen 101. A growth mindset is, to me, has a lot to do with being maybe a bit more optimistic. It's also so much of I can get there. I can do that. I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. You know?

My -- I work hard and that will pay off. I'll get there. What can I learn from others? We're a team. And that -- changing that mindset. Okay. Cool. Got it. We want to change the mindset. That looks phenomenal. I'm really excited. But I don't know how the fuck to do it. All right. So, let's get started.

And I'm totally going away from camera for a second. I forgot to have this on my desk.

So, starting can be tough. I didn't want to start. Changing my mindset, fuck that shit. No. No. No! Yet, I grab this journal of mine and I have many of them. I keep the actual pen and paper versions. They keep me going and I -- these have really helped me move through just a lot of the work that I've had to do and remind me of what's going on. So, I am grateful for rest days I am grateful for yoga practice. I am grateful for growing into who I am meant to be. That one's deep. And I've said things like, affirmations are what I call I am statements. Which are some that I've put are -- I am open and receiving opportunities. I am attracting money. I am worthy and strong. And those have really, really -- yes. There are days where I'm just like, what the fu -- no. No. No. Not gonna happen. Like the world -- the world is horrible.

It still happens. I can't say it doesn't go away. Yet going back to gratitude and affirmations and doing that at the beginning or the end of my day has really helped. I only do three of each. When I first started, it was just like one of each, if I could remember.

The third thing is just being curious. Curious and being open to what might be going on around you. Why are people doing this? Like what -- what is the mindset behind it? How did they get there? How did they get started? And remembering that it is one -- one -- one very, very, very, very small fuck it at a time. By what I mean is you know what? I'm supposed to be there at 9:45. Mountain time every Monday. Fuck it. I'm not going to guilt myself for being late. I'm just gonna text Laura and tell her I'm gonna be 5 minutes late. And it's that changing from that guilt to, meh, it's life. It's also -- it's starting the small things like so many of us have gone to conferences. We're on a digital conference right now. Yet think about an in-person conference or going to the bar or going to, you know, to a museum or a park. And you see a really dope person. I'm not saying that you're trying to date them. You could be. But yet they're just really cool. You just -- you like their style. And I know, I'm pretty sure I got this one from my mom, of I can't help but tell people what I think is so dope about them. And this is where fuck it came in mind for me. Is I had to go, fuck it, what's the worst thing that could happen? And normally the scenarios in my head are, they might just want to punch me. That's okay. If I have dope style, I feel like they're not gonna want to punch me. And so far, I have yet to be punched. So, we're doing good there. It's a lot of these small things of just saying I had to someone. Fuck it, let's say hi. Fuck it, what happens if I show up for that meetup? Or there's so many different ways that we could just embrace and just do it. And this is where -- this is probably my favorite slide -- because content creation really helped me say fuck it. And fuck it really helped me create content. I say that because when you put content out in the world. People are gonna judge or not gonna see it. Fuck it, no one is gonna see it. Or they're gonna judge it. Like might as well put it out there. What's the worst that can happen? I can delete it. It will be fine. And content creation is making me go, it's happening so often, there's so much content in the world, that it's fine. Fuck it, let's get started. Great content for fuck it. They balance each other out so well that it makes me remember when I'm getting stuck and I'm really overthinking this that, oh. It's okay to get stuck. Everybody gets stuck. Let's keep going. Let's do this. And here are some of the fuck it results that I have.

Number one, the sewer of bus chucking. So, for those of who have not heard of this term, which is probably very common. Like common that nobody's heard of it. Is bus chucking is like there is this term of throwing someone under the bus. That is like getting them in trouble. You know, getting them in trouble along with you or putting the blame on them. I like to say that I bus chuck myself. Meaning that I'm curious and I want to have these conversations that are really difficult. Dive deeper and really talk about mental health and neurodiversity. And I know I'm skipping one, but they kind you have all blend together. That curiosity really helped me learn about my own mental health and neurodiversity. Which is then lent to advocating for others. This is so important to me because when I started saying fuck it and embraced it of who I am and how I am, I have been able to show up for others. And that's always been the most important thing to me because I never want anyone ever to go through the feelings I've gone through. To know what it's like to be alone. So alone. And it's -- I feel so passionately about making sure that, you know, if it's teaching people to say fuck it, to get them to be able to realize that they are worthy and that there is so many others out there that care and need to hear what they have to say. Then so be it. Let's do this. And also, caveat, that is not on the screen but needs to be. None of this is a replace of any therapy. Therapy is your friend. If you want to hear more about my view on that, join our Twitter Space. It's on Wednesdays.

And some recommendations for you. Ta-da! I really wish that I could just like have this slide. I'm practicing for in-person. In case anybody is curious. Ta-da. All right. Number one, oh, you guys can see this pointer. This is fun. Is shit you don't want to talk about podcast. I will be sending these out. So, these will be linked. Then you'll also have the book list. A lot of the books that have really, really helped me are here. The big one on there that helped start a lot of this was -- oh, goodness. The dyslexic advantage. All right. Number three and number four are very, very important and why they're at the bottom because I want you to remember this. Please say it with me. Be patient with yourself. Saying fuck it takes time. Let's repeat that one more time. I am patient with myself. Saying fuck it takes time.

All right? Next one. You are worthy, loved, and not alone. We all have a story to tell, all right? Say it with me. I am worthy, loved, and not alone. We all have a story to tell. And last, but not least, thank you! For all of this is hanging out. You got this. I feel like this is really fun. As a very, very last thing because I know Erin's probably gonna be coming up soon to ask me questions is, I had no idea who the creator of You Got This was and started talking to them separately. And then put two and two together and it was the best feeling ever. Because it was like, this is so much cooler than I already thought it was. And I'm really happy that you are here. Even if you're watching this down the road or you're watching this live, there's so much good content at this conference. And thank you for coming to hang out. Follow me on Twitch, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, whatever platform. It's one of two things, JennJunod or teachjenntech. If you can't find it, go to the website, Yay! Thank you, everyone.