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Recognizing and Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Whenever we embark on a new venture or pursuit, we immediately become embroiled in a contest between our current and our aspirational selves. Our vision & potential face off against our habits, comfort zones & rationalizations, resulting in patterns which limit growth, frustrations and several start-stop-maybe-start-again cycles. In this talk, we'll uncover ways to efficiently recognize self-sabotage, and strategies to consistently overcome it.

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Transcript

I'm going to be speaking on recognizing and overcoming self-sabotage. Okay. So why do we sabotage ourselves? Our current habits, the ones we want to change are familiar. They're predictable and they're possibly comfortable. I say possibly because sometimes they may not be comfortable, but we still hold onto them because we are enjoying certain Bennett.

From those habits and conversely, the change we want, our desire change is strange. So you may desire it, but it's still strange. It's unpredictable in the sense that you don't know how it's going to go when you start pursuing that desire change, and it could be possibly uncomfortable, maybe not the change itself, but the.

To getting there. And so this is where self-sabotage really arises because there's this almost a polar opposites between our current habits that are undesirable and then the desire, change, or status that we want to reach. And so essentially our current selves are at war with our desired selves. That's how I see it.

So, how do we recognize self sabotage? I think it's common to think that self-sabotage or we sabotage ourselves because we don't know what we want, but in my experience, and in my reading and study, I realized that the sabotage doesn't come from not knowing what we want. It comes, we sabotage the. In our transformation, right?

So you could be very clear about what you want to change. You want to make the person you want to become. In my case, it was, I want to become a software developer, but the sabotage doesn't operate at the level of knowing what you want to. It operates at the steps, the actual things that you do to make that transformation.

And so I think before we can begin to recognize self-sabotage in ourselves, we need to actually understand those steps. I think, like I said before, it's not so much the clarity of that. All the clarity of desire, but you really need to understand what are the concrete, specific steps that I am taking toward this desire change.

And so what actually makes the sabotage is the opposition of those steps. That's really where the sabotage lives. All right. So still talking about recognizing self-sabotage our sabotaging behaviors live in our society. Okay. It's very rarely that you will think about and deliberate sabotaging yourself.

It just happens. And the power of self-sabotage is the fact that it lives in our circle. Conversely, the behaviors that we are, uh, attempting to imbibe, or the changes that we are working to make are not in our subconscious. They are still very much in our conscious mind and awareness because that is what we are aspiring to.

That is what we're working towards. I have found that the first step to overcome self-sabotage is pulling that sabotaging behavior from the subconscious into your conscious mind, because as long as it's in your subconscious is going to have that power of almost sneaking around you to affect or impact.

The behavior that you want to have, or the change you want to make. And so I see it like leveling the field between the sabotaging behavior and the desired behavior, the changes, the steps that you are taking toward your transformation. Okay. So how to overcome self-sabotage let's talk about that for a few minutes.

My advice is to go slowly. All right. And even as I wrote that, I felt. The newness of transformation is so intoxicating, right? You have this epiphany, this idea, this desire you want to go for it, all your focus and all your energy is channeled toward that transformation, that newness, and we're hardly ever thinking about.

Sabotage self-sabotage because it's all about the new newness is exciting. And so when I say slowly, it's almost like it might put a damper on things, but it's akin to. Really preparing yourself so that when that sabotaging behavior comes up, you're better prepared to handle it. And it doesn't end up like discouraging you from the excitement and the zeal that you had when you first embarked on your transformation.

If that. Okay. So newness is exciting, but our collective sabotaging behaviors are a mountain hidden, but very much a mountain. They are deeply entrenched and they are territorial, right. So it's not just that it's like deeply entrenched in your subconscious, but they're actually territorial because they want to stick around.

That's the status quo. And why change it? So when I say start slowly, I recommend clarity on a specific goal. Choose one step or one behavior toward your transformation, toward your goal. And really for one step, there may be several sabotaging behaviors. I recommend choosing one. And I'll talk about why starting with one is actually not a bad idea later on in, in my talk.

So that's the first step you choose one new behavior for a specific goal, and then you choose one of possibly many self-sabotaging behaviors. Okay. Then the next step is really work on pulling your sabotaging behavior into your conscious mind and moment. And this is the way. This is the real work, because like I said, it's deeply entrenched.

It's hidden, it's territorial. And so. Sometimes we think about, I want to overcome the self-sabotaging behavior, but I think that's too much of a jump. I think the first step is really making this on a subconscious behavior making it. And so an example of this may be. Like, so let me give an example from my life.

I wanted to pick up a walking habits and I want it to be walking in the mornings before I started work. My current behavior, which became sabotaging to my new behavior was to have a glass of orange juice and catch up on a show on Netflix. And so it was so subconscious. It was like, I wake up and the next thing, orange juice in hand plopped on the sofa or my bed or whatever.

An example of bringing it into your conscious mind could be talking through, I'm walking to the fridge, I'm at the fridge right now. I'm opening the fridge. I want to open the fridge. I want to take the bottle of orange juice and I want to pour myself a tall glass and why I'm sipping on this glass. I want, so it might look really funny.

It might feel funny, but you are essentially making that behavior card. That's just an example. Okay. And so after catching your sabotaging behavior, you might still choose it. And I think this is important to note because we operate low. If I do it, I failed. And if I don't do it, I succeeded. I think that the real victory is making it conscious.

You might still go ahead and follow through on the behavior after making it cautious, but your victory was making a cautious because the more you do that, you start to. Gain that sense of control, that recognition that you lay the recognition pattern, and then you start to say, you know what? I could actually not do this because now it's cautious because now it's in your conscious moments in mind.

And so then you now can make the choice, but it's a process. And I really believe the hardest part is actually catching it and pulling it from some cautious. Okay. And then over here, I'm talking about exercising, your decisive powers to choose a new behavior or a behavior that is in line with your goals and your transformation.

And I talk about choosing a new behavior as opposed to just stopping the sabotaging behavior, because I have found that it is more effective to replace that, to. Okay. So to deny yourself or to, to deny yourself whether we like it or not, sabotaging behavior has a payoff, it could be pleasure. It could be so many things that we that's why we do it.

That's why it's entrenched. And I find that replacement as opposed to just denial or avoidance is actually more effective to overcoming sabotaging behavior. Now I talked about a few slides back. How you pick one, even if there may be multiple sabotaging behaviors for one new behavior, you pick one of them because there's a waterfall effect.

Once you start short circuit in your sabotaging behaviors, some of them are connected and you begin to find that as you exercise conscious control over the sabotaging behaviors. It almost has a cascading effect and you're able to recognize other behaviors are able to exercise control over them. Why?

Because now they're all in your conscious mind. And so at the start, it may feel like you're taking on too little by focusing on one. But I think that gives you the greater chance for victory. And then you can rely on this waterfall effect, moving. So eventually the recognition becomes easier. And the beautiful thing is our new behaviors, the steps, the transformation steps, they have a real chance to become established.

And so you're almost switching them because they are what makes the new behavior habit is it now takes root in your subconscious the way the sabotaging behavior used to be. And that's the exchange you want to make. And once you get to that point, Then you have essentially become that new person you have essentially made the change.

And now it's part of who you are. So that's all I have. Thank you for coming.